Homemade Cough Drops

The stuff solidifies like cement...
only this tastes better

My experimentation with Flan has led me to wonder what else I can do with melted sugar, since the bottom of each ramekin has a little bit of this lovely goodness. Thing is, it can burn pretty quickly once it melts down, and it hardens almost the second it's off heat, which meant I had to know what I was making before I made it.

Sadly, I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat. Nothing major, not like I suddenly had strep and would have to be evacuated on the first available chopper out of Korea. (Sorry. Most of medical knowledge comes from M*A*S*H reruns.) But as I felt a little grungy and didn't feel much like putting up with a cold for the next few weeks, I decided to take action. The best time to treat colds, from my experience as a massage therapist, is either the instant you start to feel it coming on, or right after it has hit you full force. Speeding things up at either of those points means your cold could become more intense, but it's over in a fraction of the usual time, and since two of my bandmates are pretty under the weather, I figured I'd just get it all over with.

After a loooooong hot bath with epsom salt and white vinegar, and a regular dose of Zicam, and a break from working out, and some comfort food (Ethiopian Beef Alicha and collard greens... drool), and a little extra sleep, I woke up this morning feeling far better. The only thing I wish I could have figured out was how to soothe my sore throat without the Zicam-- my usual staples of a spoon of raw honey, warm tea, steam, and gargling weren't getting the job done. And then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I wanted to try something else with the sugar. Heh. Now I get my chance!"

Pretty basic, no?

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup of coconut sugar, brown sugar, or turbinado sugar
• large spoonful of raw honey
• lemon juice
• ground cinnamon powder

Directions:

Looks oddly like ground beef for tacos...

1. Put 1/2 cup of sugar in a pan on medium heat
2. Cook. Slowly. It will take time for it to melt the way it should, but don't speed up the heat, as this will most likely cause it to mutate into The Blob-- albeit, the sweet smelling Blob... until your house goes up in flames
3. Add lemon juice and cinnamon to your taste, but keep in mind that you want the flavor to last, and you want the benefits of lemon and cinnamon, which are excellent agents at ridding colds
4. Once the sugar starts to become a thin gel, add the honey, making sure to stir and mix well
5. Keep mixing until everything becomes cohesive
6. Pour mixture out onto a baking sheet covered with parchment paper, and spread out
7. Let cool until the sugar has completely hardened and cooled
8. Break apart, an activity that is oddly satisfying, almost like popping bubble wrap

I've been trying a few pieces over the last two hours, and my throat feels fantastic! Not a cough or a clearing of the throat, not a sneeze or a nose drip, and not a giant sugar spike either! My advice is to make these before you feel anything coming on, as you probably won't want to cook while you're feeling like poo. Then keep them in a mason jar or a plastic bag until you need them. I am soooo making more of these.

The final product

Burgers, Fries, Flan, and Wine-- Sounds Like a Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young Tribute Band

To my everlasting shame, I did not take pictures of the meal I am about to describe. No food porn today. Damn. I guess the vivid and slightly arousing descriptions will have to suffice.

We begin with a trip to Sprouts, wherein we find the most delicious selection of freakin'-random meats short of going on an Australian walkabout and hunting your own game in the Outback. Along with the standard yummies of elk, bison, and rabbit, there was also ostrich and kangaroo. Ostrich burgers are absolutely next on my list, since I've joked about them with one of my best friends for years. Kangaroo... eh, I'm not sure yet. I kind of only like eating animals that are ass-ugly, and kangaroos are far too cute... though now that I think about it, they are fairly deadly, so if it was up to me to hunt one, I couldn't guarantee that I would win... I mean, they have razor-sharp claws... and they can balance on their tails and deliver kicks worthy of MMA cage fighting... and they're wicked fast... and who know what they keep is those pouches of theirs... could be knives... or guns... or pepper spray... or nukes... anthrax maybe... but I digress.

Sandwiched right in between the venison steaks and the ground kangaroo were packages of "Wild Feral Boar". Now, have you ever seen a picture of a wild boar? No? Did you watch the first season of "Lost"? Okay then. So you'll know that these pigs are bold, italicized, underlined, 96-point font U-G-L-Y. (Picture provided for the doubtful.)

I rest my case.

The Meal

Bacon and beef-based burgers are meant to be together. (Say that five times fast.) But would pork hold up? Would it be pig overload...?

Naaaaaaah.

Bacon burgers are simple-- get ground meat, mix with fine slices of bacon, add flavor like freshly minced onion and garlic, and throw onto a griddle or grill. Saute portobello mushrooms in a pan with some olive oil and be sure to flip them a few times to get them cooked all the way through. Portobello bun, burger on top, done!

No burger is complete without fries. No fries are better than sweet potato fries. And nothing makes fries taste better than the right blend of spices. That's where I got creative. I mixed soy-free canola-based mayonaise with It's Greek To Me, a blend from a company in Colorado called To Market To Market that makes a whole variety of spice blends for dips and spreads. They're all gluten-free and kosher, even though one or two might have beans as part of their mix, or they might be recommended for use with cream cheese instead of mayonaise. Generously coat the sweet potato fries, bake for 30 minutes with a flip at the halfway mark, done!

Onto the coconut flan. If you took Spanish in high school, chances are you also had a taste of some slimy, half-formed "dessert" called flan. I think in order to teach Spanish at a certain level, the teacher must first prove how terrible they are at doing this wonderful dish justice, because I've had flan outside of that first mucous-y experience, and when it's done right, it's like silk.

Flan is essentially eggs, cream, and sugar. Doesn't sound all that Paleo-friendly, does it? Worry not. Here's the best solution I've come across*:

Ingredients:

Finished product

• 1 cup coconut palm sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 1 can full-fat coconut milk
• 1 tsp vanilla
• pinch of salt
• optional, though highly encouraged
• cinnamon
• nutmeg
• chocolate
• honey (on top)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. Heat 1/2 cup of sugar on a stovetop on low to medium heat to avoid burning, stirring frequently
3. Pour sugar evenly into 6 oven-safe ramekins, and pour quickly, because this stuff will harden almost instantly once it's off the heat (Side note: I'm going to use this to make my own cough drops for the winter)
4. In a food processor/blender/bowl, mix the four eggs and keep off to the side
5. In the same pan with the now rock-hard leftover sugar, combine coconut milk, vanilla, salt, and the remaining 1/2 cup of sugar. This is the best time to add any other flavors except for something like honey or caramel, as they're sugars and will change the consistency of the mixture
6. Once this mix is at a slow boil, take it off the heat
7. Get a whisk and slooooooooowly add the eggs to this whole mixture to keep them from cooking
8. Pour evenly into each of the ramekins, and place all ramekins into a baking dish wide and deep enough to hold them all at once
9. Add water to the baking dish (not the flan) so that the water is level with the flan (which should not be the top of the ramekins)
10. Bake for 35-40 minutes, let cool, then stick 'em in the fridge to let them solidify

And the final touch? Chocolate red wine. A very sweet red blended with chocolate. Warning: this is not like taking a box of red wine and blending it with Hershey's syrup or chocolate milk. This is a beautiful red with the darkest chocolate taste. I have a tremendous sweet tooth, and it still took me the better part of a half hour to finish one medium glass of this.

My oh my, was I a happy camper after this meal. Odds are, you will be too!

*Flan recipe courtesy of Paleo Effect with some alterations

It's Almost Like This 'Eating Healthy' Thang Pays Off

Last year at Thanksgiving:

I. Hurt. Everywhere. Too much stuffing when I haven't had any gluten or grains in over a month, too much starch, and too many cats in the room (making it that much harder to breathe). Let me just sit in this chair for forty minutes and stair into nothingness while I try to figure out how to move my feet to then walk to the car to then drive home.

This year at Thanksgiving:

I'm. Making. PIES. Avoid stuffing and the non-Paleo pies at all costs... maybe just a bite or two of bread, just for the taste... nope, wait, that hurts now. Never mind, then; gimmie that turkey! And while I'm thinking of it, how about those multiple vegetable sides?! Load me up! And how about some crockpot hot chocolate with dessert? Um, yes please!

This whole month has been about taking pride in my accomplishments from the last year, aka: My First Year Paleo. Before the holiday season began, I officially hit my lowest weight since eighth grade. Let me say that again. Eighth. Grade. The numbers that really matter to me, though, are these:

• 8 - the average number of hours I've been sleeping each night for two months
• 3-4 - the number of times I work out during the week now that I've given myself permission to take it easier on my better toned body
• 60 - the number of seconds I can hold a handstand with or without doing pushups at the same time
• 4-6 - the average dress size that fits me comfortably without making me look like I'm either wearing a burlap sack or like I got poured into my clothes and didn't know when to say 'stop'
• 12+ - the number of months I've gone without getting sick like I usually do once the holidays cycle back
• 5 - the number of new exercises I introduce into my month to make sure I'm not getting bored
• 2 - the number of inches my hair has grown out in a year, which is good, since Colorado's climate does not get along with my Midwestern hair

Because of some large milestones, I've been traveling a bit. Planes are, for me, nothing short of torture, but not for the reasons you'd probably assume; I love flying, am rarely bothered by screaming infants or kids, never get stuck to Mr. Elbows McFidget-Pants or Mrs. Wearing Salami-Deodorant, and stick to carry-on to keep luggage from getting lost. That said...

There was a point a few years ago when a plane ride meant three additional weeks of respiratory illness so severe that I couldn't hold down food or use my throat to talk... or breathe. I could be on a plane and feel that one germy blob that had been circulating in the cabin's air conditioning wait until I was comfy in my seat and then... FWAP! It'd hit me, and I'd feel myself starting to get sick before the flight landed. Along with the crappy recycled air, the seats on most commercial airlines have become startlingly uncomfortable, leading me to wonder just how much trouble I would get into if I started doing exuberant calisthenics or power yoga in the aisles once every twenty minutes.

Well, I think I have finally overcome my justified annoyance of flying. How?

Eat healthy, for shit's sake!

I loaded up on some Paleo staples before both big trips, since I didn't know what I'd be able to eat on the road. Freeze-dried fruit, nuts and goji berries, chopped veggies, and a homemade 2-pound bag of cajun beef jerky kept me from eating the crap at the airports, kept me from wasting energy trying to digest garbage so it could be focused on repelling the plethora of germs looking for a new home in my lungs, and kept me full and happy when I couldn't find a convenient place to get a meal.

And what's more, I got to meet my brand new niece and nephew (fraternal twins) while in the best health of my life! That, my loves, is a nice 'win'!

A Perfect Piece Of Paleo Pumpkin Pie

Sweet damn, what a strange month this has been! Lotsa family, lotsa friends, and lotsa food... and with all that, a sincere want to stay away from my computer for as long as possible. But since I'm working on something tomorrow and have a moment to write about it today, I figure why not crank up some music and engage in a little "typing therapy"?

First of all, I'm going to have to write about my experiences traveling a lot over this month. Why? Because I didn't get sick on any of my plane rides, that's why! Hallelujah and a gloryoski! I'm not prone to coughs and colds, save for when I travel on airplanes. And not always, just certain times of year... like now. I'm usually the target of that one germy blob that's been circling the ventilation system waiting for the right person... and then BAM, it smacks right into me, and within a few hours, I'm going through boxes of Kleenex like nobody's business, sounding like a Muppet, and waiting for someone to stop the jackhammers in my sinuses. But not this time, no no!

Secondly, I have a backlog of recipes that I've eaten too quickly to take pictures of, so I'll have to go through and do them all again so I can write 'em up. (Gee. Darn.) What I do for the sake of posterity.

But now for the real reason I'm writing today... I'm making pies. Yummy, yummy pies. AND THEY'RE MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME?! ALL MIIIIIIIIINE! (Unless you're going to be at my friends' house for Thanksgiving, in which case, you may have some.)

Pumpkin on the left, Chocolate Pudding on the right

My mentor had told me last year that he had experimented with making different crusts for pies so he could, you know, eat at Thanksgiving without exploding. But what I remember from this conversation is that he didn't have the results he had expected. I'd been hesitating on this experiment since my own disastrous attempt at making sweet potato gnocchi with coconut flour and ended up with a giant pot of mush. It takes some time to get the egg/oil/"flour" ratios right for some recipes, and I don't want to waste food if I don't go into it knowing what I'm doing at least a little.

Almond meal is my go-to for crusts. It's easily adaptable for sweet and savory dishes, and inexpensive to make, so long as you have a food processor and access to almonds in bulk. This ended up being prefect for both pies in different ways. The Pumpkin was my standard crust of 2 cups almond meal, 2 eggs, 1 Tbsp coconut oil, 1 tsp salt, which binds together very well and gets crispy without burning. The Chocolate Pudding started off as a "let's just see what happens if" kind of thing, but became surprisingly delicious as a crumble. The recipe is 2/3 cup almond meal, 1/3 cup coconut oil, 1/4 tsp salt, 2 Tbsp cold water, but I added flour and water as needed. This won't bind the same way without the egg, so don't expect something crispy and crunchy.

With both of these, I added cinnamon and nutmeg to the mixes to make the most of the almond taste along with the sweetness of the pies' contents. This made the Pumpkin Pie as close to perfect as I could imagine, and made the crumble for the Chocolate Pudding taste frighteningly close to graham crackers.

I'll write up the full recipes soon, I promise, but first...

I'M. GOING. TO. EAT.

Your Training is Now Complete

I've officially been Paleo for one year, and I ain't never goin' back!

True, I'll cheat every now and again, 'cause it's too hard to resist a good snickerdoodle-n-frosting sandwich cookie when it's wafting its seductive scent in my face, practically pulling puppy-dog-eyes on me, begging to be consumed. But that happens maybe once, I don't know, a year... if that.
The breakdown of my first year Paleo:

Um... am I a babe? Is that what happened?

• lost 15 pounds that will never come back because I've replaced the unneeded fat with pretty good muscle tone
• on average, better sleep
• better skin (acne, sun exposure, healthy tone)
• better energy (if you had tried to get me to work out before 9:00am before going Paleo, I would have punched you. Hard.)
• no aches or pains, specifically in joints (unless I've done something stupid)
• able to last longer times between meals with little snacking in between
• able to sustain IM Fasting for an average minimum of 16 hours with no discomfort
• faster benefits with shorter and more intense workouts

And did I mention all the fabulous recipes I've found or created?! Almost every single one of them fits into the categories of:

1. plate-licking delicious
2. simple
3. inexpensive
4. high-yielding (for leftovers throughout the week)
5. filling without feeling uncomfortable
6. great quality of foods
7. yummy to those that don't eat Paleo... yet...

It's certainly changed more than just how I look at food, but how I examine larger elements of my life, like my beliefs, my politics, my spirituality, and my self-esteem. And though this last year has been by no means a cakewalk, it certainly has been rewarding and ultimately worth all the garbage that I had to sift through to find the trinket I thought I'd lost a long time ago-- ME. And even though I got a little tarnished, it's nothing that some polish can't perk up.

Another year of Paleo? Don't mind if I do!

Sweet Potato Brownies and My Sharp, Pointy Stick

I tells ya, with a recipe like this, World Peace is within our grasp.*

Already promising...

Ingredients:

• 1 large sweet potato
• 3 eggs, whisked
• 1/4 cup coconut oil, melted
• 1/3 cup raw honey
• 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
• 3 tablespoons coconut flour
• 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
• splashes of coconut milk
• pinch of salt
• unsweetened shredded coconut

Everything mixed and ready to pour

Directions:

1. Peel, slice, and boil the sweet potato until tender enough to mash-- boiling takes FAR less time than trying to bake it, trust me
2. Drain the water and mash up the sweet potato with a splash or two of coconut milk
3. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, vanilla, honey, and coconut oil, along with another splash of coconut milk to keep it frothy
4. Add this mix to the potato
5. Add dry ingredients-- coconut flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, salt, baking soda, and chocolate chips, and mix very well
6. Pour into an 8x8 glass baking dish and sprinkle generous amounts of unsweetened shredded coconut-- some people use powdered sugar, I reach for coconut
7. Place in the oven and bake for 25-35 minutes
8. Sharpen your pointy stick-- see attached photo

Back off, you animals! Make your own!
They're mine!

Yep, I finally did it; I went out and made myself a sharp, pointy stick to ward off any scavengers making sudden movements around my food. But in my defense, make these brownies for yourself and see if you're not immediately consumed by a desire to run out into the nearest forest, grab a stick of your own, and start growling while you whittle the point into a decent weapon. After, of course, you have determined that the brownies will be safe in your absence... or in your belly...

The sweet potato will keep everything soft and moist and falling apart in your fingers. The cocoa powder is balanced nicely with the hints of salt. And they'll keep in the fridge quite well, but that's assuming you'll leave any leftovers. 

And that, friends, is a grand assumption.

Every square of this is pure, unadulterated bliss.

*recipe courtesy of PaleOMG

Dark Chocolate Bacon Pecan Frittata

Oh. Holy. Crap.

Have you started drooling yet? Good. You should be drooling. You have every right to drool... as long as you stay far away from my Dark Chocolate Bacon Pecan Frittata. I mean it; I'm close to making the Sharp Pointy Stick for this one!

So, I have this mammoth Paleo eBook (eCookbook doesn't seem right, does it?) on my phone, and it really hasn't steered me wrong. Having said that, I think they display a startling lack of creativity and imagination. For example: a simple recipe titled "Dark Chocolate Frittata". Now... I look at something like that and I think... where's the bacon?! A recipe like that and there's no bacon involved? SACRILEGE! So I had to take things a little further... okay, a lot further...

Now, the original recipe serves 4. That, to me, was dangerous. Why? Because given the chance, I would have eaten that whole damn thing. So I had to engage in a little portion control. Didn't for a moment affect the cooking method or the end result, I was pleased to discover. Did make it possible to eat half the pan and not feel incredibly guilty while my roommate ate the other half.

Ingredients/Tools:

Kids, listen to your Auntie Lindsay;
let's put on the oven mitts
before we burn our little fingers!

• 2-3 eggs
• 1- 1 1/2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
• dash of vanilla extract
• pinch of salt (Kosher or sea salt)
• 1 tbsp dark chocolate chips (anything that has 'chocolate' listed first on the ingredients, meaning it's made mostly of pure dark chocolate solids)
• 1 tbsp baked pecans
• 1 strip of bacon, diced
• unsweetened shredded coconut
• dash of unsweetened coconut milk (to get the eggs fluffier)
• 1 oven-safe pan or skillet
• most importantly... oven mitts (I cannot stress this enough)

Directions:

1. Preheat your oven to 350
2. Cut bacon into pieces and crisp slightly in the pan before anything else-- this makes the bacon taste better in the frittata and also coats the pan in a little cooking fat
3. Remove bacon when slightly browned and pour out excess bacon fat (to be used in future recipes)
4. Whisk eggs, vanilla, cocoa powder, coconut milk, and salt together
5. Since your pan has traces of cooking fat from the bacon, add just a little coconut oil to melt in the pan-- takes away from overwhelming bacon-y goodness
6. Pour in eggs and immediately sprinkle on the bacon
7. Let the bottom of the eggs set (should take 3-5 minutes)-- you'll know it's set when you shimmy the pan and the eggs no longer cling to it, but rather start to slide around
8. Sprinkle on the chocolate chips, pecans, and for good measure, as much shredded coconut as you desire
9. Place the whole pan in the oven and cook until the chocolate chips have melted and the coconut has been well toasted, probably about 12-15 minutes
10. Use the oven mitts to hold the extremely hot handle after the pan has been removed from the oven, as you will otherwise burn your fingers while you hold said handle when you're cutting and serving slices of frittata... a lesson learned the hard way

I renew my early "Oh. Holy. Crap."

That easily serves two people that would prefer not to go into an insulin-induced coma. The original recipe called for 8 eggs, 4 tbsp cocoa powder, and 4 tbsp chocolate chips. You can understand why I reduced the recipe, right? I love my dark chocolate, but I know myself, and my mouth full of sweet teeth would have gotten me into trouble. Even Tom, who admittedly does not worship The Chocolate Gods with my level of cult-like devotion, gobbled this one down. Between the eggs, the chocolate, the bacon, the pecans, and the coconut, it was hard not to cry.

Use this recipe with caution, for it yields awesome power...

Zucchini Spaghetti

Yes, you read that right.

The last few months have been... what's the most tasteful way I can put this?... more painful than wiping one's ass with sandpaper that's been marinating in hydrochloric acid. (Yeah, that works.) But with that has come an opportunity for legitimate healing, and for that, I am beyond grateful.

And that's as much of that as we need to get into. Onto the yummies!

I have a new cohort in my Adventures: my roommate, Tom, who is already an "adventurous" cook and foodie. This arrangement has lead to several cooking experiments in the last few weeks, all of which were gobbled up without hesitation. I mean, it's lucky we didn't eat the plates and forks, that's how good everything has been.

The Most Delightful Surprise Category is dominated by our experiment with Zucchini Spaghetti: it's far easier to prepare and cook than spaghetti squash, it's an excellent base for other flavors, and it has very little (if any) starch. What made it so surprising was how "buttery" it tasted with absolutely no butter at all; the noodles absorbed the olive oil and spices very well, giving it a rich taste without needing a drop of dairy.

It's. So. SIMPLE!

Zucchini Spaghetti:

• 1-2 large zucchini-- shouldn't be hard to find large zucchini this time of year
• a julienne peeler-- better than a magic wand for making perfect, evenly-shaped noodles
• olive oil
• Kosher salt
• black pepper
• garlic salt

Directions:

1. Remove the ends of the zucchini and slice off an extremely thin section so that it can lay flat on a cutting board
2. Use the peeler until your heart's content, turning the zucchini as needed to get the best noodles and stopping when you get down to the seeds
3. In a large, nonstick pan, heat a tablespoon or so of olive oil-- a little will get you a long way, as the zucchini will release water while it's cooking
4. Once the oil is hot enough, pour in the noodles and flavor with salt, pepper, and garlic pepper to taste-- again, you won't need much, as the zucchini will absorb flavor incredibly well
5. Cook for about 8-10 minutes, keeping the noodles slightly crunchy

Homemade Meatballs:

For the length of this dinner, there was
nothing wrong in my world.

• 1 pound grassfed ground spicy Italian sausage
• 1 tbsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• savory spice
• 1 egg
• coconut flour
• 1/2 sweet onion, finely diced
• 1-2 garlic cloves, finely diced
• cooking sheet and parchment paper

Directions:

1. In a large bowl, combine ground sausage with mustard, W-sauce, onion, garlic, and savory spice
2. Add egg
3. While mixing, add coconut flour until the meat starts to bind together into the shape you want
4. Once the texture is right, ball together to about "golf ball" size and spread on parchment paper-- should make for about 15-16 decent sized meatballs
5. Bake at 375 for ten minutes on one side, flip, and put back in for another ten minute to brown evenly-- you may want to cut into one to check if they're ready
6. Mix with homemade marinara until coated and top your zucchini spaghetti with the delicious yumminess

For the side, it was baby spinach tossed with homemade mayonnaise mixed with fresh parsley and balsamic vinegar. A glass of Australian Shiraz and MST3K's "Space Mutiny"...

Yeah. Freakin' AMAZING.

Meat Blitz

I love meat.

This is a big reason why I adore eating Paleo. Because I love meat. Not the hyper-processed "guess what this is" nonsense that passes for meat in some places *coughTACO-BELLcough*. Real meat.

Having varieties of meats with healthy fat balances in them keeps you full far longer than a carb-loaded diet that depletes you of energy and nutrients. But getting back to the central point...

I. Love. Meat.


I love it so much that I was thrilled for the chance to try a Brazillian steakhouse that brings different selections of prepared meats right to your table until you exist in a food coma beyond comparison. Now, I don't eat like this all the time because a.) I'd never leave the restaurant and b.) too much of anything will eventually be bad for you... but I didn't care because...

I. Looooove. Meat.

If you're not familiar with the concept, I'll break it down for you: it's the best version of "Red Light, Green Light" that has ever and will ever exist. You get to your table, you get a few different appetizers like cheese puffs and fried banana fritters (both of which are completely not Paleo, but this was my cheat day, and damn it... I'm havin' some deep fried cheese puffs), you go up to the salad bar (there's an option for doing only an all-you-can-eat salad option... and that's for weak people), and when you're ready to go... you take the colored cue object (ours looked like a solid hourglass) and place it so that the green side is up. And then... the meat blitz begins. Which brings me around again to my mantra of--

I. Love. MEAT.


Theoretically, there will be a time when you need to turn the cue over so that the red side is up: perhaps you have a full plate and would like to, you know, chew before you shovel more food into your belly; perhaps you're savoring your meal after getting a plate refilled from the salad bar; perhaps you're on your third round from the servers and you're starting to feel happy and giggly for kind of no reason. Whatever the motivation, you have the option to say "mercy" and catch your breath.

The red side of the cue was used sparingly. And this is why:


I. LOVE. MEAT.


Of course, they bring other things out-- grilled veggies and pineapple-- and you get to try a little bit of everything. And they change up the meats almost every night, so one night you could have tilapia with passionfruit sauce, and the next, you could be having elk or bison (and that gets a BIG Paleo thumbs-up). We got the standards: beef, chicken, pork, turkey, and fish. There was, of course, something wrapped in bacon. Who says no to that? But the true novelty was the servers shaving off endless amounts of food for you and putting it right on your plate until you're really freakin' happy.

While digesting, my fellow dining voyager and I started musing on how different meats are prepared, which somehow led to the following question: they have sayings for how you should and should not consume different alcohols, but why not for meats?


Example: beer before liquor, you'll never be sicker; liquor before beer, you're in the clear.

So here's what we came up with. They may not be verbatim because, well, we were laughing from a meat-induced haze of happy to the point that tears were coming out of my eyes, so I don't really remember all of them, but here it goes.

Meat Aphorisms:

1. Pork before beef will sure make you queef
2. Chicken before pork, pick up your fork
3. Pair it with duck, you're shit outta luck
4. End with tilapia and pick up your mop-i-a

For a Paleo cheat, it didn't involve much I shouldn't have had-- aside from some small bites of breaded appetizers and fried cinnamon bread pudding (okay, that was a pretty significant cheat). As a result, I felt only the satisfaction of a meat belly for the next... you know... day. And it was worth it because, once more for the cheap seats...

I. LOOOOOOVE. MEAT!

Still Here...

Again, still here. It's been hard to write lately as I'm in the process of looking for a job and having trouble making ends meet until then, but I promise, I've got some good material on the way.

Stick with me!

Tea-- Sweet, Sweet Deliciousness

There are some nights I go to sleep just so I can wake up the following morning and have breakfast, and on a cool-n-cozy Saturday like this, when it feels so right to stay in pajamas for as long as possible, that means an even better breakfast 'experience'. Nothing out of the ordinary with food this morning-- mushroom omelet with Sriracha and mustard, apple on the side. Nah, today's food porn is all about the drink: tea.

Yerba mate gourd

My love for tea began long before moving to Hippie Health Land (pronounced Colorado for those unsure). During high school, I was a self-proclaimed Theater Nerd, so I hung around with the more eccentric personalities in the school... you know, the guys that wore burgundy bathrobes under their fringed Harley-Davidson denim vests, or bowling shoes with vertically striped pants and a poncho... or, my personal favorite, guys with ponytails longer than mine. It was one of these crazy-go-nuts that was not fully assembled if he did not have his stainless steel thermos of a different daily tea. I'm not talking about Generic Lipton Black Tea Product. No, he'd have some amazing blends, things I hadn't heard of. This guy would sit through rehearsals drinking yerba mate out of its most appropriate container: a hollowed gourd. That's dedication to the good stuff.

Tea is a non-negotiable part of my diet. (Kinda helps that I live in an area swimming in tea manufacturers.) For anyone not familiar with the differences, there are three basic levels of color, each relating to when the tea leaf was picked and its level of caffeine, as well as an umbrella category called 'infusions'. (I'm not going to delve into the variations like oolong, yerba mate, kombucha, etc.)

White:

• least amount of caffeine... as in, almost none
• mild and usually sweet flavor
• high antioxidant concentration
• helps improve skin, heart, cholesterol, healthy teeth and gums
• helps neutralize cancer cells
• versatile flavor when cooking

 Green:

• healthy level of caffeine
• reduces migraines and headaches
• stimulates metabolism to support safe fat burning (it's not a miracle beverage, so don't start up the green tea I.V. and expect to drop 10 pounds in 2 days)
• rich in nutrients that are hard to find in other foods (like EGCG, shorthand for 'acid chain that targets viruses/bacteria')
• stronger taste

Black:

• highest level of caffeine, still less dangerous levels of it than most commercial soft drinks
• fullest flavor, usually made into 'desert tea'
• proven to reduce risks of cardiovascular diseases and strokes
• can be brewed repeatedly to preserve flavor while reducing caffeine

Infusions:

• do not come from the 'tea plant', but rather other herbs, flavors, or extracts that still require minimal (if any) processing



Ah, variety!

• red or 'rooibos' (pronounced ROY-bohs... just so you sound like you know what you're talking about) that comes from a specific breed of African bush
• flowers like rose, lavender, chamomile, peppermint (Caution: these flavors can be added to actual teas that have caffeine, so double check the name of the tea and the ingredients when you're out shopping or at (shudders) Starbucks)
• seeds, roots, or other plant leaves
• almost always contain no caffeine
• varied flavors

But is it Paleo?

Now, I've done my research when it comes to tea, and I gotta say... there is some massive confusion out there in the Internet World of Paleo. Caffeine is usually a forbidden substance in any form, so infusions that have never involved the tea plant at any point are acceptable, provided that they're not sweetened as that would spike insulin levels... and yet... caffeine, when left in its natural form in tea leaves, and when consumed in moderation, has tremendous health benefits, almost always related to heart health and safe cell growth and repair cycle. Tea leaves are not poisonous in their raw form, unlike things like soy and other beans, which means they don't fit into the category of 'foods' that require tremendous processing before they can be safely consumed; all that's really needed to make tea is tea leaves, hot water, and a thin enough membrane to let the flavor seep from the plant into the water. (Big aside here: it's possible to use a plant or root that is not Paleo and make it into an infusion, but unless you want to drink raw eucalyptus or Essence of Poison Ivy, you're probably safe.) I say, if your system is clean enough, one or two cups of different teas and infusions a day probably isn't going to derail your Paleo efforts, and is far safer than many of the alternatives.

Tea can be used in many different Paleo recipes in place of flavorless water to forgo the need of adding things like salt or sugars. There are a few independent labels like Boulder's The Tea Spot that have countless suggestions for how to incorporate different loose leaf blends into your meals. Easiest to add to soups or stews in place of broth or stock, you can also try blending with random starchy foods like sweet potatoes, parsnips, turnips... anything that is going to absorb and retain liquid during the cooking process. I used to make oatmeal with vanilla rooibos tea, but since I don't eat grains or glutens anymore, I have to find new ways to add tea to my food! Gee, darn, a new reason to try new recipes...

Turkey Burgers With Portobello Mushrooms And Mashed Turnips

This is about as low budget as it gets. 

Let's get to the food porn, shall we?

It had been a while since I'd had turkey, which is why I went for it instead of beef. This was my first time trying the portobello 'buns', and every site I checked said to remove the stems before grilling both sides of the caps, but to save the stems to use in future recipes. I figured that since I had radishes in my fridge, I might as well chop both the stems and the radishes and mix them in with the ground turkey!

This would be my side for the evening: Mashed Turnips, only this time with curry, turmeric, and rosemary. While this entire dinner only took about 20 minutes to make, this was the most time consuming part; having to peel round turnips without scraping off half your hand, then slicing them small enough so they will tenderize quickly took longer than expected.

For spices, I added a pinch of sea salt, black pepper, roasted red pepper flakes, onion, and garlic. Along with the radishes, I wanted a little zing to these burgers.

And for some reason, I always forget how cold my hands get mixing refrigerated meat!

Cooked everything in bacon fat to add another flavor to it all. Bacon fat brings something amazing out of mushrooms, I have to say. When I started heating the pan, there was something lingering on the burner that started smoking a little, and even after I wiped everything clean, I still kept the pan on 'low' to avoid burning. The only thing I would change about this meal is the length of time I let the mushrooms cook-- I'll do much longer next time!

Two larger burgers with a few smaller ones for leftovers. Turnips are mashed with enough leftover for another meal. See what I mean about getting your money's worth with this one?!

Oof. Good stuff!

I'll admit, while I loved every part of this dinner, I ate fast. Why? Because I had about 15 minutes to eat, clean up, put on clothes, and race out the door to go see "The Avengers".

Totally. Worth. It.

Besides... this one was a winner, definitely to be repeated. I could hork it all down comforted by the knowledge that I'd have another chance to savor it.

Cue The AC/DC Track...

BACK IN BLACK! I HIT THE SACK... IT'S BEEN TOO LONG, I'M GLAD TO BE BACK, YES I'M...


Okay, not that big, but yes, I'm back. Friends of mine had their second child this week... and there was that small existential crisis I had... and with a butt-ton of other nonsense, writing wasn't exactly my highest priority.

Then I decided to make turkey burgers with portobello mushroom buns and a side of mashed turnips for dinner tonight. That sure made me want to write again! Now, it's only 2:30ish as I type this up, and I'm not in my 70s, so I won't be eating for several more hours, but I did want to give y'all a heads up for the inevitable food porn in my next post.

And because babies are cute...

Derek, the newest lil' blond heartbreaker!

I'm Still Here, I Promise

Feeling a lot of things catch up with me this week, and they require all the attention I can spare.

I promise I'll get back to my long-winded Paleo taunts and musings and (dare I say) rants soon enough.

Need to get a damn job first.

Guest Blogging

My friend and fellow Curious Gage-er, Nic Widhalm, writes a blog about the joys, the frustrations, and the (sometimes) all-out war one experiences when writing anything personal and unique. He asked me to do a guest blog series for him; the first of four is currently up over at Nic Widhalm is Mad.

Writing something of substance can be a challenge. Many of my friends are taking advantage of the convenience of self-publishing by way of Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, etc, and getting their know-how, opinions, and tips out into the world.

You know... there are times when being a loud-mouthed, opinionated pain in the ass pays off!

Please take a look at Nic Widhalm is Mad and spread the love!

The Things I Think Of In The Bathtub

I used to work in a gym that was Female Oriented and celebrated a Total Lack of Quality Exercise in a Rapid and Condensed Amount of Time. (There are a few of 'em out there, but they're all the same, really. It's like the difference between Pepsi and Coke; it's still carmel-colored bug-dissolver and engine degreaser.) During a tour of the club for one prospective client, I motioned to the bulletin board we had by the front desk that we updated monthly with different exercises and posts on natural ways of achieving and maintaining health. One such article was about the benefits of frequent baths-- increasing circulation, processing metabolic wastes, relaxing tense muscle tissues, promoting rest and well-being, etc.-- and the number of simple ways they could be enhanced-- epsom salts, essential oils, apple cider vinegar, orange and/or lemon slices or extracts.

Apparently, this was her bathtub...
I can see why she didn't like baths

She looked at me like I was suggesting she smear her skin with human excrement and sit on her front lawn to attract leeches.


Her exact words to me were (and I remember them because they burned their way into my brain as I fought, with every ounce of willpower, to maintain eye contact and bury the overwhelming urge to laugh in her face when she said them), "Why would I want to soak myself in my own filth?"

My first question: What the HELL are you doing during your day that makes you so freakin' dirty?!


She then went on to praise public pools and hot tubs because they had things like chlorine and anti-bacterials in them, and were therefore safer... ahem, safer... on porous human skin than water, salt, or, god forbid, sweat.

My second question: What the HELL color is the sky on your planet?!

This understanding that humans are fully capable of surviving without the interference of modern synthetic chemicals is not unique to Paleo. It's embraced by all functions covered under the homeopathic umbrella, not to mention highly regarded in many religious or spiritual disciplines. Paleo applies it more towards food and the conditions of its growth than anything, but try a Google search of some natural remedies or common illnesses/symptoms with "paleo" as part of the string: there are endless discussion boards and articles about efforts extending well beyond food.

And this mindset is exactly what I dislike about modern society; we are so willing to embrace medicine and chemicals when they tend to cause more disease and suffering than they fix, yet thumb our noses at treatments and cures that have been proven effective over the course of millions of years. Just because it's 'modern' doesn't mean it's 'safer' or 'more effective'. I will happily, if not eagerly, admit that there are thousands of life-saving procedures and safe-guards available through modern scientific breakthroughs; I for one will skip the acupuncturist in the event of being mauled by a bear and go right to the hot ambulance guys in the tight-fitting uniforms. But often times, these 'life-saving procedures' are recommended as the first line of defense or correction when all it really takes is an examination of lifestyle factors like sleep habits, dietary habits, exercise habits, and so on. Yes, certain efforts to make things sanitary and sterilized result in a longer lifespan for the population at large. But look at how much of our country is drug-dependent and draining the system in an effort to preserve a poor quality of life over a longer period of time, and tell me that that is effective.

Mmmm... adult candy...

Maybe that's the whole point: it's easier and more convenient to take a pill than to change your life. Changing your life means you have to first realize that it's not working for you now, which points out your own faults... you made the wrong choices. Then there's the tedious examination of the portions of your life that need to be altered, and then the actual breaking-of-bad-habits... just gimmie the Vicodin instead and we'll call it good!

I am nowhere near as good at this as I'd like to be (but that's only because I'm a self-chastising perfectionist), but as far as I know, this is the only life I get to live. I'd rather not waste time being flagrantly unhealthy because to change would be (seemingly) too hard. (I say this whilst laughing at myself because of where I am in my professional and spiritual journey... rock bottom, and am having a hard time summoning up any sense of bravery to put my money where my mouth is.)

What I can attest to is that I was once bloated, always in some form of pain or discomfort with my body, and didn't want to admit that the simple solutions that were right in front of me, next to me, behind me, and in all ways surrounding me were the ones I should try. But once I realized that I wasn't a complete moron for turning a blind eye to this, and in fact worthy of something better, things changed. It wasn't overnight because nothing worthwhile ever is, but it was faster than I knew, and more expansive than I anticipated.

Please, please, pretty please... ignore magazine ads and infomercials that offer you amazing results in the blink of an eye. They are selling you something; chances are, they're gonna lie. Instead, I beg you, understand that you are fully capable of healing and living at the same time. Hell, they support each other! To live well keeps your body in a constant state of self-repair, and to use that natural healing ability is to fuel the reason to stay alive.

Be a human 'being', not a human 'inanimate object'!

Local Food Porn

And a triumphant "yay!" sounded from her, traveling jauntily down the neighborhood on the late spring breeze...


The Farmers Market is back for the season! Time for the local goodies!

A Farmers Market Is Worth A Line Of Lame Poetry?
Bet your ass. (Or should that have been a 'yea, verily'?)

I've been looking forward to local raw honey for months now!

You don't have to be Paleo to enjoy getting locally grown foods, but if definitely helps. Most farmers markets are rich in Paleo staples: seasonal vegetables, fruits and berries, nuts, unique oil blends, potted herbs like basil and mint, raw honey (which is a great homeopathic remedy for seasonal allergies), locally raised animal products like meat and eggs, even dairy products (if you're so inclined to add that into your diet, though a friend of mine describes it as "cow snot", and I tend to think of it as "acne juice"). So you go to a farmers market, you could pretty much get everything you need!

Eating foods that come from the same environmental conditions you live in gives you a chance to build natural immunity to allergens; honey is the most recognized food that supports this, but all foods play a role in getting your body acclimated to your ever-changing surroundings. A little interest in the vendors gives you the chance to find out how the foods are cared for-- how animals are fed, if harmful pesticides are used, etc.-- meaning you won't have to guess if you're still not that used to looking for things like "grassfed", "gluten free", or even "organic".

More Reasons To Support A Farmers Market:

• Locally grown and cultivated foods require very little in the way of transportation and preservatives, meaning they have a much kinder effect on the environment and ourselves
• Chances are, your grocery bill will be significantly smaller
• Vendors often have unique items (salsas, dips, trail mixes) that can't be found in large commercial stores
• They're everywhere!!! Websites like FarmersMarket.com and EatWild.com help you find all local outlets through national listings

So, yeah, I'm a geek, getting this excited about all this... but when you can find cuttings of potted "chocolate mint" that smell like the mint plants have been dipped in sultry dark chocolate, that worthy of some geekery, I'd say!

The Spirituality In Paleo

Living a Paleolithic lifestyle, while maybe not 100% possible in a modern world of ease and convenience, extends far beyond eating habits. In fact, in the last two years (my year spent weening down from dairy, gluten, and processed foods, and my year eating as full-on Paleo as I can), I've discovered that it is far more a spiritual experience than a simple "diet".

Yep, these are living things, too

Paleo v Vegan:
Vegetarianism/Veganism gets a lot of notoriety for being a "socially conscience" lifestyle. After all, many Eastern religions discourage the eating of animals for several different philosophical reasons. The other day, I read an article putting Paleo up against Vegan, as these two trends have been skyrocketing in the public's awareness. One line from it, a shot fired from the Vegan side, went something like this: "There is a cycle of life (and death) of which we all are a part, and my way of eating honors that." To qualify as "vegan" means to eat absolutely no foods produced in any way by animals (meat, dairy, eggs, all shades of gray in there). I can understand why this makes sense to this nutritionist, but I can't in good conscience agree with her. First, just because meat is being avoided doesn't mean that a Vegan is eating good food or a balanced diet, and may be eating higher quantities of foods with strong defense mechanisms (grains, legumes, soy), effectively ruining any purported health benefits of the diet. Second, in order for living things to survive, they must at some point consume something else that was or is living, and to assume that plants do not fit into the category of "living things" is, frankly, naive. Plants too have a process of growth, absorption of nutrients, production, and death, and they too have a role to play in The Universe. So why are they okay to eat, but not animal products?

Paleo, by its virtues, touts ethical and humane treatment of any animals that serve as "food suppliers", with the understanding that if the animal ingests something chemical and/or unhealthy, it will make its way into us, and cause just as many problems for us as it did them. That is what has led many of my friends that engaged in Vegetarian/Vegan eating habits to transition to Paleo without looking back. They learned how to eat without guilt, knowing the ins and outs of their animal products. Humans are omnivores; we have teeth and digestive systems built to consume both animals and plants. Deal with it. Instead of believing that all animal meats and foods are bad for you because of chemicals or "bad cholesterol" or whatever antiquated 1950s-Eisenhower-heart-attack-era attitudes that have burrowed into you brain tell you, how about you do a little research into who's supplying your food and how your body will really use that food? Instead of denying your body the fuel it needs because you feel guilty for eating an animal you've anthropomorphized into a Disney character, how about you focus instead on making your Life as balanced and virtuous as you can, thereby honoring the Life you had to take from someone/something else?

A Spiritual Understanding:
Fasting in particular has always had spiritual, mythical, or religious overtones to it. When applied to Paleo, it has specific health benefits (brain function, nutrient absorption, detoxification, even weight loss). In my experience, Intermittent Fasting is about deciding to do something (or in this case, not do something) for a specific amount of time that forces me to think in different ways and examine more closely what I'm trying to ignore or forgetting completely by distracting myself with the act of eating. That leads to some pretty startling revelations. Before Paleo, I wouldn't have dared a fast for fear of how awful I might feel without food, but once I started understanding what foods were making me feel bad all the time anyway (grains) and what foods I should be eating to sustain myself during the time I have no foods coming in, I approached my first fast with some excitement, and have made it a regular part of my life. It's become a treasured routine, time I can spend coming to new conclusions about certain things...

What a Paleo lifestyle, fasting included, has offered me is a unique and yet universal insight into the nature of Life. There is a finite amount of Energy that exists, and any of it being used at any given time must come from someone/something that is no longer using it. What makes it worth it is when that Energy is being put to good use. It may seem as mundane as "eating the right foods to properly power your workout", but peeling the layers shows how much goes into that:

• The Energy you expend during your workout is preventing a litany of health problems-- you could use your Energy to move your ass now or use it to fight cancer later, but you're going to use it at some point
• The interactions you have with people through your exercise may lead to drastic changes-- I've gotten job offers because I was in a kickboxing class with particular people and struck up conversations. I've also been motivated to improve parts of my life because others around had found a way of being happy and successful all at the same time
• The money you save from not eating grains/gluten, dairy, soy, legumes, and processed garbage (all of which tend to be addicting, thereby costing you even more in the long run) goes directly into the budget you have for eating grassfed meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, berries, fats, and spices
• The circumstances that provide you money to fund your food budget may need to be examined under a harsher microscope-- my old job was making me absolutely miserable, adding a layer of stress into grocery shopping and even eating food. I have since quit that job and am pursuing new ways of making my original passions financially practical

The Take-Away:
Living Paleo has, for me, become about the larger picture: the quality of food I eat (and in many cases, the quality of food my food was eating); the amount of waste I can prevent (think of all the food in your pantry that's in a box-- that box has to be thrown out at some point...); the job I want to have to pay for my food; the energy I'll have from eating well and how I can apply it to The World. For as much discipline and introspection as it takes to understand how Your Body performs on a daily basis, Paleo presents an opportunity to see all the things that support You.

Does Slim Fast do that?

The Chronicles of IM Fasting

The following is a collection of thoughts, musing, revelations, and outbursts that surfaced through the course of 16 hours without eating.


Prologue:

Rita, the Wing Nut

A long, emotionally depleting, and financially frustrating week is coming to an end. I pushed myself quite hard this week with my exercise, getting a chance to do yoga again for the first time in over a month. No fatigue, hints of soreness that faded within a few hours, and surprising amounts of energy left over, even after several solid self-imposed ass-kickings on Wednesday and Friday afternoons. I got to Friday evening, though, with an enormous mass of anger caught in my throat, fueled by a low battery in a smoke detector that refused to stop beeping, sending my two dogs into a maddening display of neuroses. (I'm convinced Rita thought that the occasional 'beep' was more than a beep, but rather the announcement of the impending alien invasion, meaning that she would soon be eaten by ravenous lizard-beings, her bones would be honed into toothpicks, and her fur would be worn as a diaper on a younger lizard-being. She woke me up Friday morning by getting a running start and smashing all of her 75 pounds of Lab/Collie headlong into my door. Thanks, baby. Just how I needed to start my day: with a huge adrenaline burst and a psychotic hell-hound trying to crawl into my bed, doors be damned.)

Friday, 6:30pm:
Alright, I am ready to break cars in half with my mind, that's how annoyed I am with the last three hours of trying to change the battery in that godforsaken smoke detector... at least, I think it was the right smoke detector... I'm tired from only having slept about 4 hours last night, and I feel the urge to engage in Emotional Eating, you know, until I'm out of food.

... might be a good time to do a fast and spend 16 hours thinking about me and not food. Can do. Where's my fish?

7:00pm:
Thank God for freezers. And thank God that salmon thaws pretty damn fast. I just peeled and sliced a few carrots, coated them with olive oil and some random spices, and popped them in the oven, crisping them to perfection. While they cook, I can let that salmon thaw out and cook that too. Olive oil again, red pepper flakes, onion flakes, and lemon pepper on the fillet, and some diced garlic browning in the heating pan, and wouldn't you know it, everything timed out just right! Finally, something goes the way it's supposed to today! You know what? I'm going to relax while I eat... hell, maybe even enjoy it. And once I'm done with that and have settled down for a while, I'll have the last scoop of my Chocolate Coconut Ice Cream.

8:00pm:
Protein, fat, carbs, and lots of water. I should be good for a while. Glad I didn't make my leftover spaghetti squash my meal-- too much starch, not enough substance for the next 16 hours. That state of mind cooking in a pound of pure anger would lead to a miserable woman. I think that choice of salmon over squash deserves a psychic pat on the back! Alright, so my timer is set and ticking down. Now I have to deal with this wad of 'grrrrrrrrr' that's making me literally grind my teeth.

This will be my bathtub one day...

I need a hot bath.


8:15pm:
I. Love. Hot. Baths. I have a book. I have a glass of ice water. I have my iPhone and the random stuff stored in it. I have as much time as I need. I'm not getting out of this bathtub until my jaw unclenches.

8:40pm:
Michael Cerveris could sing anything he wanted and I would listen. He could sing the ingredients on a bottle of cheap shampoo and I wouldn't move a muscle. Even as a psycho killer in a bad wig, he's still hot.

Damn. Now I want some dark chocolate. Guess that means I have to wait it out...

9:55pm:
Chocolate craving passed. Fingers and toes getting pruney. Water finally getting tepid. Now I'm getting tired. I think I'm going to make a cup of tea and get to bed, even if I don't fall asleep until later.

10:20pm:
Okay, Anger, you and I are going to come to an understanding. I don't want you lingering this weekend and ruining my mom's birthday. (58, and she still looks about 37. And I'm going to age like that. Thank you, Mamma!) So here's what we're going to do. You are going to recognize the fact that I took action despite old habits and fears and leave me alone, and I am going to make nice with you and leave you alone. If you bubble up, you will be breathed out with some Prithvi Pranayama, and that's all there is to it. Deal with it.

10:30pm:
I'm placing too much faith in the opinions other people have of what's good for me. (... holy hell, where did that come from?!) I do too much; I don't do enough; I should be Here; I should be anticipating There and Next. Seems like that's where some of this anger is coming from.

Okay... so... what can I do tomorrow that gets me out of the recently described Cycle of Self-Doubt? I'm singing. New arrangement of a song with me on the soloist's line, and I want to review the harmonies on that other song. I wouldn't mind going into the next rehearsal prepared.

"I'm singing." That solution came up mighty quickly. Glad that I started dipping my toe back into the professional waters by sending out an email about that Venue Coordinator job that opened up this week. You know what? I've been extending feelers in all directions when it comes to professional satisfaction, and I'm tired of having every single feeler getting violently severed. I'm holding up my end, so it's time that The Universe stopped treating me like I'm not worth being happy.

Huh. My teeth are clenching again. Okay. Got it.

11:05pm:
"Ancient Aliens" cracks me up. Even they're putting their spin on this whole 2012 thing. Granted, they get a lot of interviews with Erich von Daniken and Dr. Jonathan Young... but still...

And I HATE "Flo" from those stupid Progressive commercials.

12:15am-8:45am:
SssssssnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzON YOUR LEFT!

Sssssssnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Saturday, 8:45am:
Nuuuuuuh. I want breakfast in bed. It's cool and cloudy outside, and warm and cozy in bed, and that could only be improved by... wait a minute. I'm not even really hungry. I'm just awake and bored. Not a good reason to eat.

10:20am:
Huh. Look at that. Only an hour and a half left. You know what that means...

11:20am:
Mini Frittatas sound good. Maybe an apple and some almond butter, too. And a big mug of tea. Think I'll start cooking soon.

12:00pm:
Would you look at that? Spinach and mushroom frittatas going in the oven and at least another 20 minutes before they're ready, a Granny Smith apple and some almond butter being prepped now, and the sky didn't fall down because I didn't eat. Soooo... why haven't you tried IM Fasting?

Epilogue:
Last fall, when I started adding IM Fasting into my routine, I was nervous. It seemed interminable, the idea of those first 16 hours without food. But now, months later, it's nothing. In fact, the time becomes a fantastic form of stress release, allowing me to examine what I'm ordinarily trying to repress by adding a layer of food on top of it. Sure enough, Saturday is here, and all the bubbling, frothing, foaming anger from yesterday is gone!

The best marker of a successful IM Fast? I put on my favorite pair of jeans, checked my ensemble in the mirror (I went to see a ballet this afternoon and had to look somewhat presentable), and thought, "... yep. I'm hot." Tee hee...