Sunday, March 18, 2012

Paleo Fudge... and a Plot for Total World Domination

"Oh holy crap, I'm a mad genius!"

This is my mantra when cooking. I stumble onto a recipe that is simple, low budget, and uses very few ingredients, and all of a sudden, evil theme music kicks in "Dr. Horrible Sing-Along Blog" style, and an eerie cackle escapes my mouth as I mischievously rub my hands together, disappearing into a rolling fog as flashes of lightning consume the kitchen.

Okay. It's steam from my teapot and me flicking the light switch on and off really fast while I giggle like a girl.

The latest recipe to trigger my inner Mad Scientist? Paleo Fudge. Believe it or not... no added sugar, and it still tastes like a sin!

Here's what you'll need*:

  • 1 1/3rd cups pitted medjool dates
  • 1 cup crushed nuts (I used walnuts and almonds)
  • 4 Tbsp cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract (the purer, the better-- less sugar will creep into the fudge that way)
*dog hair optional

Here's how you make it:
  1. take your measured ingredients... you got 'em?
  2. Good. Throw them into a food processor or blender
  3. turn blender "on"-- talk dirty to it and strip if you need to, but the "on" switch and the electrical outlet should do the trick
  4. stir everything to make sure it's mixed properly
  5. pour out into candy molds or into bar form using wax paper
  6. freeze over night
  7. scarf the next day, preferably while growling at anyone that looks like they'll try to take some from you
That's all!

I'm gonna have to make the recipe several more times (gee, darn) before I feel like I've streamlined it. Dates will take some time to puree, and if the cocoa powder has been mixed in already, you'll be blending for a while. I had to add more water to it all than I wanted to (or planned on), which made it a little more fluid than I expected at first. I also added a couple spoonfuls of almond butter to give the blades some more traction while they were slicing and dicing. But the result was not only delicious... it was versatile; I could have added some coconut milk or almond milk to it, making it more like a spread or paste (think Nutella without the sugar rush, chemicals, and diabetes). I could use that paste as a "frosting" for some of my other Paleo desserts or indulgences (like Coconut Bread). And then, as I was falling asleep last night, savoring the image of solidifying fudge in my freezer and knowing it would soon be mine for the taking, I thought, "Next time, I will coat it in shredded coconut... and then I will take over the WORLD!" (I've been watching a lot of "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" lately.) I also want to try using as many different kinds of nuts as I can, first and foremost being hazelnuts (if I can summon my strength and not eat an entire batch of them after I've baked them).

May not look like much, but I guarantee, this'll beat cake any day!
A word of caution: use this recipe wisely. A power like this, if in the wrong hands, could be devastating... MWUA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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